A friend of mine has recently decided to forward me numerous and often humorous missives with regularity. Why she doesn’t respond to my reply emails, who knows? But that’s neither here nor there right now.
The email was a comment on a terrifying group of which I had previously been unaware: The Presidential Prayer Team. Basically, they want to have people join them in praying for President Bush to do this or that, and the various things to pray for change each week. There is a truly classic poem on the page for the week of 2/26 in which the author states:
Thank God we have a President
who grieves when his dog dies.
That’s true. I am glad that there is evidence that Mr. Bush is in fact human and not simply humanoid. But this is even better:
This one who once was bound by booze
has known a parent's ache
when teenage children cross the line
and make the same mistake.
I know you agree with me that it is truly terrible how those little monster-twins have made him “ache” so. It’s a miracle he’s able to govern at all. Oh wait … never mind.
Last week, on the same page, this organization had a more important goal in its request to prayer, urging the public to pray that the President will “codify marriage as being between one man and one woman,” and more importantly that “biblical values will be honored in this endeavor.”
So back to this email … the original author, Anita the Astrologer (I’m not into astrology, but credit to where it’s due) decided to help point out elements of a constitutional amendment that could be based on biblical principles (please put on your hard hats to protect against sarcasm).
For all those people whose primary argument is that gay marriage would open the gateway to things such as polygamy, here are some examples as to why the Bible should not be taken literally:
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Amendment Language |
Supporting Evidence (from King James Bible) |
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Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. |
“Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured. And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter./And Laban said, It is better that I give her to thee, than that I should give her to another man…/And Laban said, It must not be so done in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn./Fulfil her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which though shalt serve with me yet seven other years./And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him Rachel his daughter to wife also.” – Genesis 29:17-28
“And unto David were sons born in Hebron: and his firstborn was Amnon, of Ahinoam the Jezreelitess;/And his second, Chileab, of Abigail … and the third, Absalom the son of Maacah … /And the fourth Adonijah the son of Haggith; and the fifth, Shephatiah, the son of Abital;/And the sixth, Ithream, by Eglah David’s wife.” – 2 Samuel 3:2-5 |
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Marriage shall not impede a man’s right to take concubines, in addition to his wife or wives. |
“And David took him more concubines and wives out of Jerusalem, after he was come from Hebron.” – 2 Samuel 5:13
“And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines.” – 1 Kings 11:3
“And Rehoboam loved Maachah the daughter of Absalom above all his wives and his concubines: (for he took eighteen wives, and threescore concubines…)” – 2 Chronicles 11:21 |
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A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. |
“If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her,/And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid:/Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel’s virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel’s virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate:/And the damsel’s father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her;/And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter’s virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city./And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him;/And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days./But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel./Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father’s house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.” – Deuteronomy 22:13-21 |
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Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. |
“And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell.” – Genesis 24:3
“Now therefore give not your daughters unto their sons, neither take their daughters unto your sons, nor seek their peace or their wealth for ever: that ye may be strong, and eat the good of the land, and leave it for an inheritance to your children for ever.” – Ezra 9:12
“And that we would not give our daughters unto the people of the land, not take their daughters for our sons.” – Nehemiah 10:30 |
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Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the Constitution of any state, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. |
“And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days.” – Deuteronomy 22:19 (again)
“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” – Mark 10:9 |
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If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother’s widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe. |
“And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar./And Er, Judah’s firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him./And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother’s wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother./And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother./And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.” – Genesis 38:6-10
“If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband’s brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband’s brother unto her./And it shall be, that the firstborn which she beareth shall succeed in the name of his brother which is dead, that his name be not put out of Israel./And if the man like not to take his brother’s wife, then let his brother’s wife go up to the gate unto the elders, and say, My husband’s brother refuseth to raise up unto his brother a name in Israel, he will not perform the duty of my husband’s brother./Then the elders of his city shall call him, and speak unto him: and if he stand to it, and say, I like not to take her;/Then shall his brother’s wife come unto him in the presence of the elders, and loose his shoe from off his foot, and spit in his face, and shall answer and say, So shall it be done unto that man that will not build up his brother’s house./And his name shall be called in Israel, The house of him that hath his shoe loosed.” – Deuteronomy 25:5-10 |
Ahhhh … the traditions of the institution of marriage. Wouldn’t want to let them get corrupted or anything.
Out of Focus 