MISCELLANEOUS MISCELLANY: THE PASSION OF THE OGRE

Deeply buried (if mentioned at all) in all the stories focusing on Dodgeball‘s trouncing of The Terminal in the weekend box office race was the even more delightful news that The Passion of the Christ can no longer claim to be the top grossing movie of 2004. It just so happens that our big green friend’s movie Shrek 2 grossed nearly $14-Million to push it’s overall haul to $378,623,263, therefore also passing Mel’s $370,111,518. I know, it’s a small pleasure, but I’ll take it nonetheless. Even more impressive to me is that while I haven’t seen the numbers, I’m sure the actual ticket sales far surpasses those of Nightmare on the Via Dolorosa since (hopefully at least) far more kids attended Shrek 2. That would also (again, hopefully) indicate that more parents chose to bring their kids to watch a wise-cracking donkey rather than a literally gut-busting crucifixion scene. Keep in mind, Shrek 2 was the number 3 movie this weekend, and even with more competition on the horizon, it should relatively easily get past the $400-Million.

Also of note, Variety reports that Turner Classic Movies has signed a deal with InDemand to create a video-on-demand service. To this TCM-worshipper, that is just awesome news. Apparently, TCM will supply approximately 20 classic films per month to show on a VOD platform, much like HBO OnDemand, Showtime OnDemand and Cinemax OnDemand. Of course, who knows when it will be available on most cable systems. Time Warner cable in New York is pretty good about putting most things on the digital tiers (and yeah, we pay for it!), but they haven’t yet added IFC Films On Demand, which I have been waiting for patiently. The great things about the premium OnDemand services is that depending on your cable package, they cost nothing extra and just give you way more flexibility to watch what you want when you want to. How much TCMOnDemand might be, who knows? Probably a couple dollars per month. But it would be worth it! The first month will apparently include The Dirty Dozen, Yankee Doodle Dandy, Arsenic & Old Lace, and one of my all-time favorite movies as well as probably the best movie musical ever, Singin’ in the Rain.

In case you haven’t been paying attention, the distribution trinity behind Fahrenheit 9/11 — of Lions Gate, IFC Films, and the Weinstein Brothers’ FAG — has been battling with the MPAA over the rating given to Michael Moore’s film. The MPAA, in its conservative “wisdom”, has bestowed an R upon Fahrenheit 9/11, and the distributors believe it should be a PG-13. The distribs recruited former NY Gov. Mario Cuomo to help argue the appeal, but the MPAA has won’t allow him to appear before their appeals board because he does not have any direct involvement with the film. According to today’s Variety story (sub req’d), “The biggest sticking point in the ratings flap appears to be the use of the word ‘motherfucker’ several times by an American soldier in Iraq. In the single scene, young tank crew members explain how they play a heavy-metal version of ‘The Roof Is on Fire’ when they go into combat. Repeating the lyrics of the song, one soldier uses the expletive several times.” Apparently, the MPAA’s guidelines state that one “motherfucker” would be OK, but when you stick a bunch of “motherfucker”s in a room, people under the age of 17 die. Or something like that. The MPAA also has problems with “some graphic footage of Iraqi civilian casualties, including bodies piled in the back of a pickup truck and children with severe wounds,” footage which one obviously would never see on Fox News. I think we all should applaud the MPAA for standing up to motherfuckers everywhere. Why should a 13 year old be allowed to go see a movie he or she might learn from when the PG-13 rated The Chronicles of Riddick is available next door?

And finally, the biggest news of the day, Liv Tyler is preggers. I hope she’s not too disappointed that Apple and Coco have recently been taken, and Esther has been receiving too much publicity lately. Luckily, Liv and her husband and Spacehog frontman Royston Langdon still have a variety of names to choose from in order to make the rest of the world drop jaw in awe. Might I suggest Pomegranate? The juice is all the rage these days, even though it’s usually upwards of $4 per bottle. And just think: Pomegranate Tyler Langdon. It has a little ring to it. Either that or she better use Arwen if she doesn’t want the hobbits to get all up in her grill. That one could even be used for a boy. Congrats Liver.