Last month when the Razzie nominations were announced, I listed my worst six films of 2004. Since that time, I’ve had the … uhm … the … something, not sure what, to watch several more films, mostly Razzie nominees which qualify for this list. But as I always find to be the case with the Razzies, often films and actors get nominated simply because it’s either easy or fun to shit on them. The truth is, while I wouldn’t call any of the films or performances that received Razzie nominations “good,” some of them really aren’t so bad to be considered the worst of the worst.
A few examples? Take White Chicks, for example. This Wayans collective movie was nominated for Worst Picture, Worst Director, Worst Screenplay, Worst Actress and Worst Couple. Was the movie bad? Yeah. Was it Razzie-bad? Not really. I’d still say The Stepford Wives was worse. At least the story in White Chicks, as absurd as it was, actually made sense it didn’t contradict itself.
Or take Halle Berry and Sharon Stone in Catwoman. While this movie and its director absolutely positively without-a-doubt deserve their dishonors, neither Berry nor Stone are really all that awful. I mean, they have such little to work with considering how terrible the script and dialogue are. They do the best with what they have. As opposed to, for example, Ben Affleck who really is quite terrible in both Surviving Christmas and Jersey Girl.
Anyway, I have since revised and added to my bottom six of the year with a few films I have since seen and one other that I had simply forgotten about (read: managed to block from my memory). But before I reproduce this list, I have to make a special note. For me, not all bad films are equal. For example, I never in my wildest dreams would have expected anything but total crap from Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, and that’s what I got. But I expect a hell of a lot when Oliver Stone says he’s making Alexander, or even when anyone – and yes, including ultimate hack Joel Schumacher – is making an adaptation of The Phantom of the Opera, something which may never be amazing but at least has the promise to look grand and not bore. So with that in mind, here’s my definitive worst list, followed by how I voted for the Razzies:
Worst 10 of 2004
- Alexander
- The Phantom of the Opera
- Catwoman
- Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
- Surviving Christmas
- The Day After Tomorrow
- The Stepford Wives
- Van Helsing
- Around the World in 80 Days
- Blade: Trinity
As for the Razzies, here’s how I voted:
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Worst Picture: I called it the worst of the year, so it should come as no surprise that my vote went to Alexander. The only film that really doesn’t deserve to be here is, as I already mentioned, White Chicks, and while I definitely think Alexander should take home the “prize,” the other nominees — Catwoman, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 and Surviving Christmas are all nearly as deserving.
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Worst Director: While I certainly can’t give Oliver Stone any kudos for Alexander, in this case my vote actually went to the man known as Pitof for the travesty that is Catwoman. Alexander had problems all over the place, but Catwoman suffered from a terrible script and even worse direction, and as bad as Superbabies and as mediocre as White Chicks both were, the direction of Catwoman reigns supreme – supremely bad. I didn’t see the final nominee (Exorcist 4: The Beginning), so Renny Harlin gets spared my wrath for now. As bad as this Exorcist probably is, I have a hard time believing that Harlin could have done a poorer job than that accomplished by Pitof on his film.
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Worst Screenplay: So Alexander was a mess, and script for Catwoman was just clichéd and bad, but the script for Superbabies was simply beyond absurd, and it got my vote. In fact, the idea behind both Baby Geniuses movies isn’t that bad, but of course the writers went for the easy, lowest common denominator jokes, and a ridiculously dumb story. Surviving Christmas is pretty horrible too, and if White Chicks does have a major flaw, it lies in its very poor script. But Superbabies — wow! You want some bad writing; I’ve got a movie for you!
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Worst Actor: This is the worst category of all this year, and by worst I mean comprised with nominees who are sort of getting screwed with these “dishonors.” My vote went to Ben Affleck, and I’m totally comfortable with that. He gives remarkably bad performances in both Jersey Girl and Surviving Christmas. It was so bad, that I spent time trying to think of the Affleck performances that actually made me like him a bit, and I absolutely can’t remember one. The rest of the category, though, is stupid. Ben Stiller got nominated for every film he was in this year, but he sure as hell shouldn’t get any “worst acting” award for Anchorman or Dodgeball. While Colin Farrell chewed some scenery, he didn’t utterly embarrass himself in Alexander, and I didn’t like The Chronicles of Riddick much, but Vin Diesel was OK. These nominations of President Bush and other people who appeared in Fahrenheit 9/11 are pretty ridiculous, and hopefully none of them will win.
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Worst Actress: This category was kind of a coin flip for me. I definitely didn’t feel it should go to Halle Berry or Shawn & Marlon Wayans (nominated together for their parts in drag). Ultimately I went with the Olsen Twins for New York Minute because, you know, this isn’t really discussed much, but the two of them are pretty bad actors. Angelina Jolie was fairly awful in Alexander — what the hell was that accent? — and I didn’t think Hilary Duff was so terrible in A Cinderella Story.
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Worst Supporting Actor: Unlike “Worst Actor,” this category proved to be a very difficult decision. Lambert Wilson suffers the same fate as Stone and Berry in Catwoman, and as I said earlier, I thought all the nominations for people in Fahrenheit 9/11, in this case Donald Rumsfeld, is absurd. While Val Kilmer in Alexander certainly deserves to be in listed here, the choice really came down to Jon Voight in Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 and Arnold Schwarzenegger in Around the World in 80 Days. Ultimately I went with The Governator because he managed to suck so thoroughly in what was basically a five minute cameo. But don’t consider that any encouragement for Voight who gives what probably is the most preposterous performance of his career in a mammoth exhibition of scenery-chewing that really should have been nominated in the lead category.
Eh … that’s enough for now. The Razzies will be announced tonight in a 90 minute ceremony starting in Los Angeles at 7:30 local time, meaning that the complete list of losers will be online at approximately midnight Eastern tonight.
Out of Focus 