ADDENDUM TO THE BELOW KING KONG BOX OFFICE POST

Just to continue my attempt to throw a wrench into the inane box office crisis so many have created around King Kong (see below post) … I just received the email Daily Variety sends out with final box office figures for the three day, Friday-Sunday 12/22-25 weekend. Apparently, the earlier numbers underestimated the grosses of both Narnia and Kong. So here are the apparently official numbers (via Variety):

In 13 days of release, King Kong has grossed $120,597,410, including $33,274,680 this past weekend on 3,576 screens for a per screen average of $9,305.

In 18 days of release, Narnia has grossed $165,135,135, including $31,692,295 this past weekend on 3,853 screens for a per screen average of $8,225.

Again, I’m not trying to knock Narnia at all. It’s showing stronger legs and should easily pass the $250 million mark, especially considering its virtually unheard of 0% change in weekend box office compared to Kong’s perfectly normal 34% drop. I will argue, however, once again, that there is nothing wrong with Kong’s box office other than it not fulfilling the extraordinary (and potentially unreasonable) expectations everyone seemed to have for it in the first place.

THE WEEKEND IN REVIEW (OR AT LEAST IN REPORTAGE): A VERY GOOD CHRISTMAS JEW

My oldest and best friend returned home to San Francisco on Christmas Day after a week’s vacation in Hawaii. While neither of us are particularly religious, we both love movies and Chinese food, therefore making the longtime Jewish tradition of how to spend one’s Christmas the most important tradition of all? Canvas sneakers with a suit on Yom Kippur so as to avoid wearing anything from an animal? I’m a reform Jew — I should barely even know about that. But movies and Chinese food — that’s a tradition I can whole-heartedly endorse. (And I’m sure I will be struck down any moment now for even saying as much. Moving on.) I was quite disappointed with my friend. He had watched a movie on the plane, but somehow, even in a city with as many wonderful choices as San Francisco, he didn’t eat so much as a potsticker.

I however managed to have a Super Jewish Christmas. It involved a weekend long movie-watching marathon (in the theater and at home on DVD) totalling 14 films (I think … I don’t have the patience to actually count). But how was it “Super Jewish” you ask? Well, let’s see: not only did I watch several movies (in the theater and at home on DVD), and not only did I eat my egg roll and Chicken and Shrimp in Garlic Sauce (hey, I didn’t say it would be kosher Chinese food! Although the pork fried rice — in my world — cancelled out the shellfish, making everything copacetic), but I also managed to earn personal bonus points. Bonus point #1: One of the movies I saw was Munich. Now come on — regardless of whether it’s good or bad, it sure as hell was the choice of Jewish people large and small this Christmas, at least as evidenced by my audience. Not just the choice — it was probably the responsibility of all Jews to rush to Spielberg’s opus, to see it and therefore be able to justly praise or demonize as they saw fit. And bonus point #2: I saw Munich at the City Cinemas Village East, the older of the two East Village/Lower East Side former Yiddish theaters now reinvented as movie houses. (The Landmark Sunshine obviously being the other one. The Sunshine is certainly more high-tech and modern and a “better” place to see movies, but the Village East has its own peculiar charm, especially the main and largest theater in which (at least it seems) that 75% of the seats have you looking down at the screen.)

Continue reading “THE WEEKEND IN REVIEW (OR AT LEAST IN REPORTAGE): A VERY GOOD CHRISTMAS JEW”

THE MYTH OF KING KONG‘s POOR BOX OFFICE; SOON TO AFFLICT MUNICH AS WELL?

I’m so bored with the constant box office attention being paid to the most notable “blockbusters” this holiday season, especially King Kong. The most recent culprit (recent, at least, in terms of my readership) is Fishbowl LA which manages to both continue the trend of criticizing Kong‘s box office and Universal’s comments on its prospects while also make the incredibly astute comment that the media coverage of the film’s commercial success or lack thereof is possibly more entertaining than the film itself.

Nobody’s “coverage” has been more annoying, however, than the just plain stupid comments of Jeffrey Wells in the “Wired” section of his site. Jeffrey: We know you hated the first 70 minutes and loved the rest. We also are aware that you apparently sit at your computer hitting refresh for the box office prognostications at Movie City News and Box Office Mojo. But you know what? The nearly three-hour Munich‘s $5.7 Million take on 532 screens for a $7,706 per screen average during the most crowded Christmas box office weekend in recent memory with five films entering the fray on Sunday in no way signals trouble at the box office as you seem to think. I happened to catch Munich this weekend. It was the third screening I tried to get into because the first two (at different theaters) were sold out, as was mine. I’m not saying it will be a huge hit, nor am I making any comment (at least not right now) on whether or not it’s a good movie (I have major issues with it, and they’re not political ones), but your own little problems with the movie does not mean that’s it’s just barely holding on. I know that two downtown Manhattan theaters on Christmas Day aren’t representative of the rest of the country, but come on. If you use that average and boost it to a wide release of 2500 screens, you’re still talking a potentially $25 Million take during a crazy crowded weekend with two other blockbuster films grossing over $30 Million each in the mix. That’s basically unheard of.

Everybody is trying to make sense of the box office this winter and the fact is, we can’t. There is too much competition at the box office. There is nothing normal about the past weekend, and the real determination about what did well versus what didn’t won’t be able to be made for another two to three weeks as people play catch-up and see the things they really wanted to see Christmas weekend, just not as much as the other movie they really wanted to see. And then, once the Oscar nominations are announced and the Golden Globes are handed out and some films get boosts while others don’t.

Fishbowl LA said that King Kong is “still not quite a hit.” That’s absurd. Any other film that had grossed $118 million in 13 days would be celebrated for its quick race above that $100 million mark. The problem here is simply one of expectation. Narnia has done much better than most people expected; Kong has not – commercially – lived up to its hype. But has it done poorly? Everyone is making fun of Universal’s comments, but they are all fair excuses to be made. Kong may not have opened to Spider Man like numbers, but there’s nothing wrong with a $50 million weekend. It got hurt by the popularity of Narnia for sure, and chances are that, especially in those red states, if parents were choosing whether to allow their kids to go to Narnia or Kong, the ape was losing out. Additionally, Universal’s choice of release date seemed pretty poorly thought-out to me. Kong came out on a Wednesday of a non-holiday weekend. Schools weren’t out yet, and for that matter, many colleges were in the middle of finals. The natural audience that would turn-out for a Wednesday release simply wasn’t available yet. That’s why the grosses plummeted on Thursday only to kick back-up on Friday of it’s opening weekend.

The three hour explanation also isn’t simply an excuse. A three hour movie has a harder time grossing high because theaters will have at least one fewer screening per day. Narnia in comparison, I believe, has benefited in this way too as Disney’s film runs just a bit over two hours. One extra screening per day for seven days in 3000 theaters? That’s 21,000 extra screenings per week. Let’s assume every theater only held 100 seats (and that’s probably the least amount any one theater actually holds); that’s $2.1 million extra possible seats to sell. The average ticket price in the US right now? I think it’s somewhere around $6.50. That comes to potentially $13,650,000 more that Narnia could conceivably gross each week if both films sold out every single screening.

Obviously, that’s a non-scientific (and very conservative) estimate, but my point is still valid. Narnia has grossed about $50 million more than Kong and has been in release for just five more days, but why even the mainstream Hollywood trade publications can’t acknowledge that this whole argument is simply one film exceeding expectations while another is doing perfectly fine while not necessarily living up to its own Titanic-like hopes is beyond me.

Lay off already. The fact is, Kong is still likely to gross over $200 million, maybe even $250 if it holds on through this onslaught of other new releases, and there’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever. And as for the praise/backlash see-saw that is Munich — geez, let it open wide already before anyone makes utterly ignorant comments on how “this doesn’t portend an ecstatic reception when it plays Boobville.”

WHY PEOPLE HATE KIM’S

I know it’s cliche to talk about how annoying it is to rent or buy videos at Kim’s on St. Marks. Is it better/worse/as bad as it used to be at the old Avenue A location? I don’t know. I hadn’t been to the now closed shop in probably seven years, and until recently, I didn’t really shop at Mondo’s either. But when I was doing the Albert Maysles interview, I wanted to watch a bunch of his films. I didn’t have time to wait for Netflix, and none of the shops near my new Brooklyn home had anything of their’s. I’m including the big three of Salesman, Grey Gardens and Gimme Shelter. Two Blockbusters? Nope. Some indie store on Fulton? Hell, they hadn’t even heard of the Maysles or these films.

OK, so there was one place — after walking through the Ratner wasteland and trekking over to the Blockbuster on Flatbush, I found a store called Video Edge that had Gimme Shelter. They had Grey Gardens too, but it was checked out. (If you happen to go to Video Edge, bring a utility bill. They don’t accept credit cards. In order for me to sign-up for membership, since my name isn’t on any utilities in my new home, they accepted — believe it or not — the forwarding sticker on a recent Premiere magazine I had in my bag showing my new address.)

And that led me to Kim’s because I knew Kim’s would have not just these three movies, but others as well. They likely would have Primary (directed by Robert Drew, but Albert Maysles was one of the camermen). And they would likely have all the Christo films. And they did. (Of course, Kim’s also only allows you three rentals at a time, and since I needed more — and their Grey Gardens was checked-out as well — I found myself at , I found myself at Two Boots Video as well. They also had everything I needed.)

Anyway, this brings me to this weekend. My weekend in review will arrive shortly in another post, but suffice it to say, I didn’t get to 10 in the theater, the Christmas rain got me frustrated and wet, and on my way home, I found myself at Kim’s. One of the movies I missed earlier this year and was dying to see was Park Chan-wook’s Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance. I absolutely loved both Oldboy and Sympathy for Lady Vengeance, but I never caught the first film in his thematic revenge trilogy.

So last night I was watching the disc when suddenly I see a weird jump happen. It was instantaneous and I thought nothing of it, except for the fact that it felt like something was missing. One of the main characters (Ryu) had just gone to try to buy a kidney on the black market for his sister. He would need to pay 10 Million Won (apparently around $8500, according to Filmbrain) and give-up one of his own kidneys. They’re about to make the deal, and suddenly Ryu is sitting across from a doctor telling him that he’s very lucky because an ideal donor organ was just discovered for his sister, but the surgery would cost 10 Million Won. So wait … what happened? The bad guys somehow got the real doctor the organ? That makes no sense.

I knew Filmbrain had a review somewhere and in reading his synopsis, I discovered that I was missing the crucial scene where the black market people take out Ryu’s kidney and then disappear, leaving him to wake-up cold and naked and out 10 Million Won … and a kidney. I went back in the DVD and discovered that my player had jumped a full two minutes. I then slow reversed and played and was able to see Ryu wake-up, but the entire surgery sequence was gone. There was a full minute of the film that I simply couldn’t access.

This happened two more times, and oddly enough, at two crucial points in the movie. The first was a missing 10 seconds — for those who have seen the film, it was the 10 seconds during which the kidnapping takes the ultimate turn for the worse. Then, near the very end, another full minute gone — the minute during which Park has taken Ryu out to the same lake and exacts his revenge. Looking at the bottom of the disc, I could see three small gashes. Were they the reason for the missing bits? I don’t know, but it certainly seemed possible.

So … Kim’s. I bring the discs I had rented back today, and I tell the guy behind the counter that this disc has a problem. I had written down the specific time points where the disc became unwatchable before playing normally again. I didn’t even ask for a credit or mention that three crucial moments in the film were lost to me.

Don’t get me wrong – the guy behind the counter wasn’t a complete asshole. He tried to be nice, and he said right away, “Oh, I can give you a credit for this” – as I mentioned, without me asking. But that phrase came with a “but.” It came with telling me that this was a brand new pristine disc (new, maybe; pristine?). I mentioned the gashes on the bottom; he looked at it and tried to rub them away (which didn’t work because they weren’t smudges), and yet he continued to argue with me that maybe it was my player or something else. I said, “Look, I’m not trying to argue with you. There’s something wrong with the disc and I just wanted to let you know so that you can check it and consider not renting it to others.”

The conversation basically ended with him saying, “Well, I’ll give you a credit,” and then pulling off the little post-it with the times of the incidents written on it, crumpling it up and tossing it.

I have an entirely different story regarding the actual rental the other night, with the woman behind the counter who gave me the blankest, deadest stare that I thought I had somehow rented and already started watching Land of the Dead. Or the guy who was either an off-duty or wannabee employee who was talking about how the only critics he could stand were J Hoberman and AO Scott, and he didn’t even pay them that much mind. (Obviously, because reading Scott simply makes my eyes bleed. I’m guessing this guy only reads people who don’t use their entire first names, preferring to use initials.) Then there was the counter-person who decided to heartily endorse Michael Haneke’s Cache, although it was two minutes later he admitted that he hadn’t seen it. (I criticize his stupidity in praising something he hadn’t seen; the fact is, Cache is brilliant, but watch the movie for yourself first jackass.)

So, if you’re considering renting Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance from Kim’s on St. Marks … check the disc. If you see three little dashlike gashes on the bottom, you might want to ask for a new copy. Of course, you then must beware those behind the counter.

THE GOTHAMIST INTERVIEW: DEC. DAY 4 – ALBERT MAYSLES (THIS POST IS A WEEK LATE)

2005_12_almaysles_bigSo no … I did not write the Gothamist interview with the Cuddle Party founders. That was my friend Rachel. But last week I did post an interview with the great documentary filmmaker Albert Maysles. I’m sure 99% of you reading this blog know who Maysles is, but in case you don’t, he and his late brother David were responsible for helping to revolutionize documentary filmmaking in the late-’50s and early-’60s with the development of “Direct Cinema,” and they made three of the most fascinating docs of all time in Salesman, Gimme Shelter and Grey Gardens. Plus he’s had a relationship with Christo and Jeanne-Claude for over 30 years that has involved his documenting most of their public arts projects (including a film about The Gates currently in post-production). The interview was set-up in part because of the “Maysles Films: Five Decades” series which gets restarted tomorrow at MoMA.

I looked forward to my conversastion with Maysles; he’s probably one of the most important filmmakers I’ve ever spoken with in any capacity since I first interviewed anybody while at UCLA in 1991. He was very nice, although sometimes I found it difficult to get him to elaborate and converse while others he would tell long interesting stories that didn’t necessarily get to my question. While transcribing the interview, I couldn’t be sure if I was the smallest bit unhappy because I had not conducted a good interview or he and I just didn’t connect in a way that allowed it to become as converstional (and therefore, as interesting) as I always try to make all my interviews. Ultimately, I think it edited together pretty well, but it took some work.

Meanwhile, I had no idea that my questioning him about a certain mini-controversy would actually lead to my being contacted by some of the people involved. In 2004, a filmmaker named Michael Wilson made a documentary called Michael Moore Hates America. Maysles is interviewed in the documentary — which I have heard of but never seen, but is apparently an attempt to denounce the kind of constructed hyperbolic arguments of recent (especially political) documentary films more than being a specific attack on Michael Moore. Wilson sent me an email in which he states, “I’m very disappointed in Albert. I really made him this icon of virtue in my film.”

Wilson became upset because when talking to me, Maysles indicated that the Michael Moore Hates America filmmakers had been somehow underhanded, tricking him into participating in an attack film on Moore and never getting him to sign a proper release. The specific exchange that I’m sure caught Wilson and a credited Executive Producer Brian Cartmell (who actually wrote me first) off-guard was this:

ME: You appeared in the documentary Michael Moore Hates America, but there’s been some controversy both about what you said and your very presence in the film.
MAYSLES: What you don’t know about that is that when they finished filming me I heard one of them say, “Michael Moore hates America,” and I said, “Wait a minute. What’s that all about?” I told them, “No, I’m not signing a release,” and I didn’t. But I consulted my lawyer, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. In a sense they had stolen some of that footage. They had misrepresented themselves, and I never would have participated in that kind of a film.

ME: So you didn’t know it was an anti-Michael Moore film?
MAYSLES: I didn’t know that at all.

2005_12_23mmhatesamerNow I don’t know (since, as I mentioned, I haven’t seen the film) that me characterizing Michael Moore Hates America as an “anti-Michael Moore film” is even totally fair, but I certainly inferred that was what Maysles meant by “that kind of a film.” So the day the interview goes up, I receive an email from Cartmell that includes a link (I think this plays in Quicktime) to a small piece of video which shows a slightly different situation than the one Maysles described to me.

After the email from Cartmell, I got the previously mentioned email from Wilson who was equally, if not even more, upset at the way Maysles characterized his film and essentially him and his crew. If you’re curious, I’ve reprinted the email after the jump.

I’m not specifically taking either side. The video certainly shows a slightly different situation than what Maysles described, but the possibility of a grand misunderstanding is also more than likely. And as I haven’t actually seen Michael Moore Hates America, so I can’t speak to Wilson’s intentions or what the film seems to really mean to say, especially whether or not it comes off as a Michael Moore-attack piece. (It is interesting to read some of the comments on IMDb which indicate that Wilson’s film is no different than the films he criticizes.)

So who knows? I did want to mention the Michael Moore Hates America filmmakers’ rebuttal though, and again, if you would like to see the specifics of what Wilson wrote to me, just click below to continue reading. And if you’re interested in seeing Michael Moore Hates America, you can order the DVD from the film’s own website or rent it from Netflix.

Continue reading “THE GOTHAMIST INTERVIEW: DEC. DAY 4 – ALBERT MAYSLES (THIS POST IS A WEEK LATE)”

WHEN YOU NEED TO BUY SOME TAIL

Ooh, I can’t believe I almost forgot about this. I saw this post on Curbed a few minutes ago and it reminded me of a photo I took of the same building last night.

After last night’s Producers screening, my friend and I made a spontaneous stop at the legendary 2nd Avenue Deli because she had never been, and as I hadn’t eaten at quite possibly the best Kosher Jewish deli anywhere in over six years, I thought why not nosh on some pastrami and pierogi. Afterward, we were driving back to Brooklyn (transit strike + friend with car + 20 degree temperatures = driving back to the BK), and we’re headed down Essex toward the Williamsburg Bridge, stopped in traffic at a light. She taps me and says, “Hey look,” and there it is. The edge of the building so perfectly creating a shadow covering the “ES” and the RE” on the far left side of the sound. I snapped the photo below with my crappy cameraphone — it is really grainy and hasn’t been altered whatsoever.

Curbed‘s post seemed to wonder what was going to happen to the building, but if it’s true and “The Shadow knows,” it seems like this place already has a new business — at least after midnight — although it seems to be on the wrong street.

2005_12_22origsexsttailmrkt_1
click on photo for larger version

AARON ELSEWHERE (THE WEEKEND IN PREVIEW: IT’S HANNUKAH — OH YEAH, AND XMAS — WEEKEND!)

Yeah, so all that stuff I said yesterday, I meant tomorrow as in tomorrow talking today. Friday. You know? Good. That’s what I thought. You see, I wanted to start writing last night, but I ended up at a screening of The Producers, which only meant the desperate need for a drink to quell the disappointment afterward, and short of that, a night watching shorts on The Lonely Island thanks to my friend.

So the writing didn’t get done. I did finish, however, two pieces elsewhere, the first being my debut on indieWIRE: “Vera Farmiga, Miranda July and Phil Morrison: Three Breakthroughs in ’05.” I’ve been hoping to write for indieWIRE for some time, so I was very excited when they asked me if I wanted to do this story. I believe I’ll be doing another one for them in January, and hopefully even more in the future. I’ve been a longtime indieWIRE reader, and I’m really happy they’ve entrusted me with writing some of their content. I realized, however, that I really need to finish my draft for myself early to give me more time to step away before coming back to edit it. But oh well … that’s life.

Meanwhile, this is a very busy weekend for new releases, not to mention a typically busy one for movies in general all over New York. I’ve got it all covered over in my weekly “Weekend Movies” post at Gothamist. I’m still working towards getting to a place where I feel comfortable putting together my year-end “Best of” list. I know everyone has been rushing theirs out into the world, but I feel like I’m also further behind many. I’m perfectly comfortable releasing mine in January. My own personal deadline is before the Golden Globe Awards, but I’d like to do it sooner rather than later. With that in mind, however, my goal is to get to at least 10 movies in the theater this weekend, and hopefully even more next week. So I’ll be seeing you at the movies — most likely at the AMC Empire 25 or Loews 34th Street!

HOPEFULLY THIS WON’T STAY TRUE FOR LONG

Hi. Yeah, here I am. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and where have I been? Damn fine question. Obviously, I’ve been trying to mediate the Transit Strike, and that’s been keeping me a little busy. The egos on both sides, you know? And seriously, isn’t there a way for us to get rid of all the negotiators and put some competent people into place? Certainly, the MTA is in need of competent leadership, but nobody is holding their breath.

Actually, I would LOVE to be mediating those talkes, but as I now live in Clinton Hill, Brooklyn, I can’t get to the fucking Grand Hyatt Hotel!!

I’m just praying for no rain (which is supposedly on its way, of course), since this weekend I plan to head into Manhattan and do some serious movie catching-up. We’re talking 10 over the weekend, minimum. I’ll let you know of my progress.

Meanwhile, I’ve got tons to catch-up on going back to last Friday when the great Typepad shutdown made my posting impossible and gave you the privilege of forgetting everything I had written through the week and reliving my “R.I.P. Richard” post over and over again. It was such a joy to see the indieWIRE folks throw my blog up on the giant screen at the Apple Store with it looking like I hadn’t written anything all week. (Not their fault. It was all Typepad.)

Anyway … catch-up, yes. That will come … tomorrow. I have to go to a screening of The Producers now to insure that I don’t somehow accidentally pay for what I unfortunately hear is an awful adaptation. Meanwhile, somehow, if you visit the main indieWIRE page and look under where it says “new in iPOP” and they show four of their recent photos from events, somehow little ol’ not-so-insider that is me appears in two of those shots. Obviously this is an indication that everything around town is dead, people have left for vacation, and indieWIRE is hurting for photos. Hopefully at least one, if not both, of the pics will rotate off that main page soon.

Until (as Fox5 unbelievably seems to love to say verbally and with its graphic) “Illegal Transit Strike” Day 3 …

I SUPPOSE IT’S ABOUT TIME I PROMOTED THIS: FILM BLOGGER PANEL AT THE APPLE STORE

I’ve been a reader of indieWIRE for quite a while, and I was happy when they chose my blog as one of their “Blogs We Love.” I’ve even hoped to write for them for some time, and in the near future, they’re giving me that chance. Meanwhile, indieWIRE also hosts a monthly event at the Apple Store in SoHo, and for this month they’ve decided to bring together a bunch of film bloggers. My participation not withstanding, they’ve actually selected and plan to bring together a really great group of bloggers: Karina Longworth (Cinematical), Scott Macaulay (Filmmaker Magazine Blog), Alison Willmore (IFC News), Andrew Grant (Like Anna Karina’s Sweater), S.T. VanAirsdale (The Reeler) and Michael Koresky (Reverseblog: The Reverse Shot blog). The event will be moderated by indieWIRE Editor in Chief (and blogger) Eugene Hernandez.

Yeah, I know. I was as surprised as you are that I was included in this group, especially since when they asked me, I was barely writing on this blog — maybe once a week and usually just to announce the Gothamist post — and what I was writing tended to focus more on, “WHY THE FUCK CAN’T I FIND AN APARTMENT” than the relative merits of … well, just about anything in film or TV. But I’m happy they did ask me, and I look forward to being really the only person on the panel who talks much about television and spends a little time (although it really is rarely my intent) talking about personal stuff too. I think they found a nice cross-section of bloggers to represent the spectrum of what’s out there.

So yeah … if you want to see a bunch of pasty shut-ins (well, at least a few of us qualify that way) who do little else than watch tons of movies and write about them mostly for the love of it, swing by the Apple Store in SoHo tomorrow from 7:30-9 PM. Just please leave the rotten fruit at home. Apple likes to keep a clean environment you know.

Of course, if there’s a transit strike tomorrow, chances are this entire post will become moot! I’m not sure what I’m rooting for anymore.

THE WEEKEND IN PREVIEW: MONKEY MONKEY

My weekly Gothamist Weekend Movies post is up. It was a bit late today because I was up late last night finishing the Ron Hogan interview that got posted this morning. Then I was out of the apartment, and then I was back in the apartment while we finally got cable installed, a whole ordeal I will discuss some other time. (We had had DirectTV.) So I kind of dashed out today’s Gothamist movie post, but I did already take care of seeing King Kong, and personally I loved it, however not without reservation. It is definitely too long, but it’s also one of the most beautiful looking movies you’ll ever see, and as I mention over at Gothamist, they’ve managed to make Kong so expressive, especially with his eyes, that if he could actually speak English, he’d be better than most Hollywood actors.

I need to get to a bunch of movies this weekend, as I’m already way behind, but suddenly I’m finding myself incredibly busy. And I still haven’t even had the chance to write the actual reviews of much of what I’ve seen over the past couple weeks. But it’s coming. Or something.