Out of Focus

A little over a week ago, I wrote about the news that Michael Bay was going to be directing a live-action Transformers film and that hopefully it would flop since he’s such a crap filmmaker. Bay isn’t just a wasted talent as a director (he undeniably has a wonderful visual sense and directs exciting individual action sequences, which is why he was so good as a music video director), but he’s an arrogant prick as well. Or at least, he comes off that way in interviews. I remember several years ago (maybe around Armageddon or Pearl Harbor) reading a quote from him which (paraphrased) said that he knows you can blow a million holes through anyone of his films’ stories but he just doesn’t care. And now, as Defamer quoted from an LA Times story on July 15, “‘You know,’ he says somewhat reflectively, ‘I’ve never had a flop.'”

So hip, hip, hooray for comeuppance in the name of The Island which couldn’t manage better than a fourth place finish, losing to a film that may, in fact, be worse than it (I can’t be sure — I haven’t seen Bay’s disaster yet), and that has already been playing for three weeks! But a $12.1 Million opening? I think that’s his worst opening weekend ever! I mean the original Bad Boys — his first movie, a decade ago, when he obviously had no blockbuster track record — opened with a $15 Million weekend.

Personally, I’m as shocked as the DreamWorks exec in that article. I was just telling someone this weekend that I was surprised everyone thought Charlie and the Chocolate Factory would hold on to the top spot so easily because Bay’s movies attract audiences. Stupid audiences, sure, but audiences none-the-less. A friend asked me why, and the answer is simple: it’s not so much that audiences are stupid, but they will always accept lowest-common denominator thrills if something better isn’t offered. The problem so often, particularly with Bay’s films, isn’t so much that the movie couldn’t have been good — Batman Begins and both Spider-Man are all recent proof that great modern movies can come from the action genre. Bay’s problem has always been that he doesn’t know how to make a movie: he simply links together big action sequences all containing the same energy level as the one before. That’s why his movies make such great trailers and such lousy films.

I have a hard time completely criticizing The Island because I have yet to see it, but everything I’ve read simply portrays it as just like every other Bay film: a bunch of huge action sequences, some which get tiring, that overshadow the presence of the story instead of servicing the plot’s advancement. Still, it is difficult to say that this is the beginning of a shift in audience consciousness; that moviegoers simply aren’t going to take the crap anymore if they don’t have to. I mean, it was a crowded weekend at the multiplex, and the fact that anybody is still going to Fantastic Four, a definite Razzie contender, is a potential sign of the apocalypse.

This year’s box office slump has been a story made bigger, at least in film biz circles, simply because of the attention paid to it. The fact is, each weekend had a big opener just like every other summer, but then the crap films would suffer huge drop-offs and distance between box office winner and previous holdovers would keep increasing. Of course, the biggest reason the total box office numbers have gone down is not because people are watching more DVDs (even though they are), but is due to the fact that there’s not an “indie film” grossing $400 million this year like a certain megastars polemic did last year. In fact, I’ve seen reported that if you take The Passion of the Christ out of the equation, the comparison of this year to last finds 2005 roughly even.

But with so much discussion this summer regarding the box office slump — a story that was absolutely made bigger in entertainment circles simply because of the attention paid to it — it is worthwhile to pay particular attention to the opening weekend disappointment of a film from someone considered such a guaranteed moneymaker. Sure, neither Ewan McGregor nor Scarlett Johannsen are big summer movie names, but you know what, neither were Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett nor Kate Beckinsale on Pearl Harbor.

The problem (if there is one) really is a matter of quality, not quantity. That doesn’t mean crap films won’t still make a ton of money, but maybe not as much and maybe not as many of them. It’s not a lack of imagination evidenced by sequels or adaptations of old TV shows that’s the problem; it’s lack of good imagination. Bewitched is a good example of a series adaptation that actually showed promise. It was cast perfectly and the idea of how to reimagine it was actually quite clever. The problem with Bewitched is virtually all in its execution. Nora Ephron is not a good director. She’s a great writer, often very funny, but she proves time-and-time again that she doesn’t know how to transfer her scripts to screen. There’s a reason that When Harry Met Sally … is so much better than Sleepless in Seattle or You’ve Got Mail, and that reason is Rob Reiner.

If Hollywood studios would put more effort into the script development process and cared a little less about determining a prime release date before the script has even been written, we would get better movies and they would get larger grosses. It really is (almost) that simple.

In some post last year I’m pretty sure I mentioned that Summer 2005 was shaping up to look like potentially the best summer for movies in recent memory with a huge, promising release every weekend all summer long. Looking back with more than half the summer movie season gone, I’d now have to call it possibly one of the most disappointing summer movie seasons in recent memory simply because of that great promise unfulfilled, with the notable exception of Batman Begins. That’s not to say everything has been bad, but very little has been as good as it could have been.

Just like every Michael Bay movie. Once Hollywood catches-on to releasing films that live up to their own even unhyped promise, there won’t need to be any more talk of box office slumps.

Since last August, my friend Lily and I have been doing these Gothamist Interviews. We’ve stuck to a pretty regular format that includes a selection of questions tailored directly to the subject and another selection that we keep the same for everyone we talk to. One of those questions-for-all is “311: Help of hoopla?” concerning New York City’s local information and complaint line. Basically, if you have a non-emergency issue (i.e., don’t call 911!) or a complaint about noisy neighbors or you lost your cell phone in a cab or you’re wondering who to talk to about when a public pool is open, you call 311. The 311 line has been a wildly successful program for the city. It has also been something that until last night I had never utilized.

You know, we’re always told it’s the little things that really matter. That if everyone takes that moment to help in a small situation that most of the time you would just pass right by, well, then eventually all the little things build to make this world a better place. But dammit if stupid bureaucracy or maybe even incompetence still doesn’t manage to get in the way.

So last night, I did in fact go to Prospect Park to see The Phantom of the Opera. After, my friend and I went for a bite at a pretty good Mexican place in Park Slope. Somehow, it turned into a pretty gorgeous night with a cool breeze and an awesome slightly clowd-covered moon perfect for howling. Suddenly it was almost 1 AM, and me being the relative Brooklyn illiterate that I am, my friend decided to walk me to the 2 train. We kept going further and further from where she lived, however, and I’m not sure whether we just weren’t paying attention to where we were going or what, but suddenly we were across from the Atlantic Center on Atlantic Avenue. I was about to hop on the 2, and she was going to take the subway back a couple stops to her place, but then she said that she kind of wanted to walk home cause we were stuffed and it was so nice house. Me being me (and also having no idea how far it might actually be) I offered to walk her.

So we’re walking down 4th Avenue at about 1 or 1:15, and there aren’t too many people or that much traffic when suddenly out of nowhere there’s this really loud pop – not quite an explosion, but very loud nonetheless. At the corner of 4th and Baltic, a car had driven over a ConEd manhole cover at the corner of which seemed to then pop up, knock off the car’s hubcap and blow-out the tire. The car slowed down at the curb right next to us, but I never saw the driver because I was staring at this manhole cover and the hubcap and saying something like, “What the fuck?” And just like that, without getting out to see what happened, the car just drove off.

We stood there for a moment staring at the manhole. I said, “Should I call someone? That could totally cause an accident.” She said, “Yeah, call 311.” So we went into the street and kicked the manhole cover back into place, and I called 311.

Now I can’t say for sure what action was taken place – whether or not anyone came out, how quickly they did, etc. I suppose I could have with the end of my call resulting in a complaint number (that I didn’t write down) which I could have checked, but I didn’t mean to get involved in any big process. I just wanted to report something and thereby know that I had done a very small thing to maybe help make sure a bigger accident didn’t happen in the future. But damn if that one little phone call didn’t turn into a huge fucking pain in the ass.

I was on the phone for 10 minutes, mostly just listening to the operators type. (Yes, operators! After telling the story to the first person, I was then transferred to an Environment Protection specialist because apparently they handle manhole cover incidents.) They asked for my name and my phone number (you know, just in case they needed to follow-up the complaint). It didn’t matter that I was blocks away nor do I live in the neighborhood let alone Brooklyn, and they weren’t asking me any questions really. Besides, other than describing the incident and the location, I didn’t really have much to offer. I barely knew where I was.

It was quite aggravating, and apparently my reward was NYC and the MTA bitch-slapping me into my place again as it took roughly an hour-and-a-half for me to get home to the Upper West Side thanks to a 25 minute wait for a transfer to the A train at W 4th Street, during which time some of the humidity seemed to have dissipated thanks to a brief thunderstorm, but you never would have known it on that subway platform. Only after I emerged on 81st and CPW seeing cars and the sidewalk covered in water did I figure this out.

So anyway, if Lily and I ever conduct one of these little interviews on each other, I guess I finally have a 311 story. Help or hoopla? I guess I can’t totally judge since I don’t know if the loose manhole cover has actually been fixed, but the experience of the call itself was pretty damn annoying, so for now, I’ll have to just call it “helpla” or maybe “hoopelp,” and leave it at that.

Another reason I may get to less of the new stuff this weekend …

While the weather outside might turn frightful (I’m getting really sick of that “Isolated Thunderstorm” report, especially during those specific times that I plan to be outside!), tonight at the Prospect Park Bandshell is one of my favorite annual Celebrate Brooklyn programs, namely the screening of an old silent film with live accompaniment, and I’m particularly looking forward to this one: The Phantom of the Opera. No, not that piece of crap which I called one of the worst movies of 2004, although that film could probably benefit from getting rid of the entire soundtrack (singing and dialogue included) and adding a live band playing instrumental music. But no, tonight at the Bandshell, the great Alloy Orchestra comes to town to play along with the classic 1925 film starring silent horror film great Lon Chaney, which I have sadly never actually seen.

There is way too much opening this weekend, and I have a ton of work to do that really should keep me inside at the laptop, but I feel like I have to try to get to one or more. I’ve actually had a week full of movie watching, but it’s been coupled with too much time spent sending emails as part of my job search. I did finally get to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and I intend to write in much more detail later (no really!), but my quick response is that I’m torn. I enjoyed a lot of the movie, but I’m incredibly disappointed in how Burton changed the end which actually completely transforms the entire spirit of the story. I think this film is a great case study for the problems involved in adaptation and especially how people often misuse the term “faithful.” Everyone is making such a big deal about how Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is more faithful to Roald Dah’s original book than the original 1971 film, but I take exception with that statement. Tim Burton’s film is anything but faithful, at least to the main elements of the book, although it is quite literal and scene-for-scene matches up better. Since Filmbrain and I often don’t come anywhere close to agreement, the fact that we mostly do in this case simply goes to reinforce that this disappointment (while still appreciating elements of the film) is the definitive opinion (natch!).

But Charlie’s already old news (even if it does have a reasonable shot at holding on to its box office crown). As far as what’s “new”?

Continue reading “THE WEEKEND IN MOVIES IN PREVIEW: THERE’S REALLY TOO MUCH”

It makes sense that after several years of reality-show mayhem not to mention repeated discussions about how reality television is on its way out that rather than a decline in the number of reality series we’ve seen two very different and distinct things happen. First, you get the bastardization of the old: all the shows still trying to essentially copy Survivor or The Real World, usually failing miserably but occasionally discovering that one little twist that allows it work. The second, and personally to me more interesting, result is the creation of essentially “new” (although in the grand scheme of things, not really) reality genres.

If you look at the “Other TV Shows” section” of TWoP, you’ll see they’ve broken it down into “Competitive Reality Shows,” “Candid Reality Shows” and “How-to Reality Shows,” and that doesn’t include sections for “Pop Culture Shows,” “Game Shows,” “Educational and Non-Fiction Shows,” or “News and News Magazine Shows,” some of which could definitely cross over and be considered “reality.”

This summer, as reality TV continues to die just as it has every year since its “breakthroughs” with Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? and Survivor, there’s more “reality” than ever across the broadcast and cable landscape. From the inexplicably cheesy hit Dancing With the Stars (lets take The Surreal Life with its C-List celebs and have them ballroom dance in an American Idol-style competition) to CBS’s god-awful Rock Star: INXS (uhm, Dave Navarro — why the hell did you want to give up all your rock start cred by being a total suck-up sell-out to a bunch of I’m-too-cool-for American Idol-so-let-me-front-a-sad-excuse-to-reap-millions-using-the-name-INXS posers?) to any number of other current programs, the choices are endless.

But I give credit to ABC, a network that despite its desire to consistently fire all its programming execs and no matter how hard new Disney CEO Bob Iger has tried to make it the seventh place net in a field of six, has to be given the prize for most successful development of new programming in recent memory. Not only did they bring us both Lost and Desperate Housewives this fall, but this summer they’ve brought the two best (and I’m talking actual quality here, not necessarily guilty pleasures) new reality programs. (And yes, I am also completely cognizant of the fact that ABC is also responsible for the worst travesty to hit TV last season, The Benefactor.

I’m speaking of both Brat Camp (which airs tonight with an encore of last week’s second episode at 8 PM and a new episode at 9 PM) and Hooking Up (Thursdays at 9 PM), the latter of which is credited to ABC News.

Continue reading “NOT ALL REALITY IS CREATED EQUAL”

Last year I went to the Siren Music Festival at Coney Island and didn’t have such a great time. By the end of the day, I was pretty unsure that I wanted to attend again, regardless of the quality of the lineup. With this year’s fest today, as of 10:30 AM this morning, I still wasn’t sure if I was going to go. The memories of last year — the heat, the discomfort, the horrible sound — coupled with the weather report (thunderstorms, anyone?), plus the fact that I actually was only familiar with a few of the bands, and finally the realization that I was probably going to have to go alone since both of my friends who were going to go with me flaked (or something … hey, it’s my story!) … well, it all had me leaning against.

I knew that if I was going to go, I wanted to make it there by 2 PM to see Ambulance Ltd., a band I’ve enjoyed for a while and who I was supposed to see live back in March (I think) but at the last minute found myself unable to go because of Tribeca Film Festival schedule planning. And somehow, even though I had spent hours on my feet watching Broken Social Scene and Dinosaur Jr. on Thursday, and I didn’t get home until after 2 AM last night because of watching The King of France and Robbers on High Street last night, I actually did manage to get my ass into gear, hop on the 1 to the D, and get o Coney Island just before 2 PM.

So was it worth it? Well, my face is as red as the inside of a super-ripe watermelon thanks to my sunburn (nice thunderstorms you weather.com bastards), and it certainly was hot and sticky just like last year. And again, like last year, it suddenly became really overcast around 5:30 or 6, with a nice cool breeze that actually made the rest of the evening very comfortable. (In fact, this was a thick fog that looked more like something I was used to growing up in San Francisco.)

But yeah, for me Siren was definitely worth it if for only one reason. Morningwood. I love Morningwood! (Hmm … that sounds different than intended, but whatever.) This band … I hadn’t even heard of them until they joined the Siren lineup, and I only listened to any of their music this morning. But what the hell have I been missing? They were absolutely the highlight of the entire day for me, and I think it was a pretty good day with no big disappointments or anything. They’re like Hole witch less whine, more growl, more punk and somehow less schtick (even though they’ve got some). Singer Chantal Claret has amazing stage presence, not just singing the songs but performing them. She engages the crowd between every song and isn’t satisfied until she’s succeeded, even if that means not starting the song until everyone’s clapping (like during “New York Girls”). This band seriously blew me away, and if it wasn’t for the fact that their self-titled EP is apparently sold out and their full length self-titled debut doesn’t come out until August 30, I would have ordered/downloaded/whatever their stuff as soon as I got home. As it is, I can’t wait to see them perform in New York again, in a smaller venue with the energy really popping! (In the meantime, you can hear three of their songs on their myspace page.)

The other thing that was great about Siren this year was I found the sound to be tremendously improved on both stages.

Continue reading “THIS IS NOT A MUSIC BLOG BUT … A DAY WITH THE SIRENS (ESPECIALLY MORNINGWOOD)”

For I don’t know how long I’ve been meaning to mention how one of the bright spots of my day is often reading My Blog Is Poop. Bob basically always manages to make me laugh … sometimes out loud … sometimes hysterically.

Since this is primarily a space for movie-talk (or something), I absolutely must draw attention to Bob’s genius ability to cast/recast movies. Even when humor is the goal, sometimes he just happens to be right as well. Take yesterday: as part of another edition of “Ask Bob Anything,” a reader asked, “If there was going to be a remake of
Just One Of The Guys, who would you cast in it??” (It’s the fourth question down.) Scarlett Johannson in the role originated by poor, basically forgotten Joyce Hyser? (Holy shit! Hyser is nearly 50 years old! That’s just disturbing — and yet another reason why I feel old.) That’s pure genius. It actually makes me want to see the remake of a movie that should never, ever otherwise be remade. And the rest of his choices are great too. Another fantastic movie-related post was when he put together a baseball starting lineup utilizing fictional characters from baseball movies.

Of course, the new all-time classic isn’t either of these, nor is it film or even pop-culture related at all. And if someone else hadn’t already made a certain “joke” in the comments, I would have said the same thing here. But now I can’t. So I won’t. Why is this post so fucking funny, because probably for all of us, at least once or twice it’s been totally true even when it isn’t exactly what happened.

Thanks Bob. You may not be helping me get all my shit done, but you’re making me laugh, and sometimes that might be more important.

(And I should have titled this post “Reason #438 that I’m a big dork: Writing too earnestly about something absurd and funny.”)

I’m just spent. Exhausted. I could easily blame it on last night’s incredible Dinosaur Jr. show at Summerstage (never mind my pics: BV’s are better). It was like being transported back to 1990 — crowd surfing, stage diving, spontaneous mosh pits. Except I don’t remember my feet ever hurting as much and it was never that humid in Los Angeles. But no, it’s not that.

I’m so drained that I can’t even get excited for the weekend of film openings that I’ve been anticipating second only to about Batman Begins. Even though it’s not getting the best reviews (although if what I’ve read is true, it just validates the fears I’ve had about Tim Burton potentially losing the story and letting his visual imagination go too wild), I’m still dying to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and hope it fulfills some of its Burton-Depp genius promise. And couple that with the hopefully-not-all-the-jokes-were-in-the-trailer Wedding Crashers … not to mention a curiosity in Don Roos’ latest Happy Endings, and I should be rushing out to the theater right now.

Instead, I’m just drained. I’ve now been unemployed for almost two months, but it didn’t completely start to stress me out until about two days ago. The job hunt has been difficult. Things I thought I might get sort of just went away either without being filled at all or having the employer decide on someone he/she previously knew without taking any meetings. So the last few days have been spent writing emails: cold emails, many to people I don’t know, virtually begging for just a simple meeting. And, in case you haven’t noticed from my posts, I’m not very good at just writing, “I went to the beach today. It was fun.” I tailor all my letters and emails to the individual person and company. And wow … has that been draining.

And now, I have to get back to it. My obsession with the job hunt (which I may or may not write more about here later) is also a big reason why I haven’t been writing a lot more here, but it’s coming. I swear. No, not the wolf I’ve been crying, but actually something interesting. Or rather, something written by me. One or the other.

In the meantime, I love my iPod. It comes with me just about everywhere. I live on my Mac. Yes, I’m a total Apple addict. This, however, is a magnificently funny parody which my friend sent me earlier today. Meet the iPod Flea!

I actually don’t even know what to say about this: Steven Spielberg executive producing a live-action version of Transformers to be directed by Michael Bay? (Thanks Thigh Master!) This is going to be a huge movie with an already-scheduled July 4, 2007 release date. And I’m sure Bay will make it look great. But can you imagine a director with worse storytelling ability taking on a project with an already simple, thin basic plotline? I mean, maybe they’ll get some amazingly inventive, kick-ass script for Bay to ruin all by himself, but I doubt it.

I find it curious that a great filmmaker like Spielberg is working repeatedly with Bay. He doesn’t have a credit on The Island, but it is a DreamWorks production. A friend of mine suggested that maybe The Island could be Bay’s first actually good movie, as opposed to the continuous stream of crap he’s produced. (OK, that’s not fair … every other year he gives us something to watch which resembles a string of music videos with a lot of explosions. No, I was right the first time — crap.) That with stronger story-oriented producers — as opposed to Mr. Bruckheimer — he might actually give us a good movie.

From the trailers, The Island certainly looks like it has the potential to be a great film. A clever sci-fi idea with modern thematic relevance; a story in the Philip K. Dick mold that when done right — Blade Runner primarily, Total Recall and Minority Report, almost — can become among the best films of the genre. I’ll withhold judgment until I actually get to see the movie, but if I trust the Variety review (Sub req’d), it seems my expectations will be verified. And it’s not like at this point Bay really deserves the benefit of any doubt. But hey, we’ll see.

Meanwhile, all of you who were huge Transformers fans back in the day have two years to get all hot and bothered over what I’m sure will be a pretty kick-ass looking giant robot, and maybe with that much anticipation, having your spriits crushed come Independence Day 2007 won’t seem so bad.

A year ago today, I was up early, watching the announcement of the Emmy Nominations and throwing a little conniption about how stupid the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences continues to be. Well, obviously, not enough nominating members read my blog (shocker! and for shame!) even during what had to be one of the best TV seasons in recent memory.

Thankfully, I was smarter this year. I slept through the nominations. It’s just as easy to have my head explode learning that Will & Grace received 15 nominations (!) at 10 AM as it would have been 90 minutes ago. And actually, I saved myself the aggravation of sitting through the inane, uninformed and often just plain stupid comments of the entertainment “journalists” who crawl out from the cracks in your floorboards, generally to appear on E!

Let’s get back to this for a second though: Will & Grace? Are you fucking kidding me? Doesn’t the Academy know that by sending kudos that show’s way, it only helps to encourage NBC to keep it on the air? And really it is imperative that the 2005-06 season is the last for Will & Grace which has become a painfully uncreative and unfunny show. I used to enjoy the show it’s first two seasons, back when it had interesting storylines and somewhat well-rounded characters; before it descended into nothing but cliche and stereotype, only telling the most obvious jokes and surviving each sweeps period with stunt casting rather than actual writing.

Best Comedy Series? What a joke. How about voting an actually FUNNY show for best comedy series. What about The Simpsons, Family Guy or South Park? Oh no, we can’t nominate them for Best Comedy — they’re animated. Who cares that one episode of either show likely has more laughs than the last two seasons of Will & Grace did combined. Granted, the number of good shows that might qualify as “comedy” is actually a bit of a stretch, and major props for giving Arrested Development (far and away what should be the clear winner!) and Scrubs recognition, but come on. Work a little harder, why don’t you. How about trying to just pretend that you care about being known as a creative ART form rather than simply an instrument of lowest-common-denominator mass-media dreck. Why not do something crazy like notice Reno 911?

The nominations offer no imagination and are actually a perfect indication of what’s wrong with television. The people in charge don’t care about actually watching anything that’s good. It’s more important just to support what’s been around. I think The West Wing had a bit of a resurgence as it closed out the season, but it was still up-and-down all year long as it alternated between individual issue-oriented episodes and the season-long arc relating to the presidential campaign. Personally, I think it should have been disqualified from any awards consideration due the absolutely awful second episode which paid absolutely no attention to the actual relationship between President Bartlett and Leo, then sending the former Chief-of-Staff and presidential best friend out into the wilderness to die like Bambi’s mother with absolutely nobody noticing … only of course, die, he doesn’t. It was an offensive way to treat the character and an absurd departure from storytelling and character consistency, all in order to give the show a little shake-up.

24 had its problems this year as well, and doesn’t deserve to be getting Best Drama Series kudos anymore. Certainly not when you do have the genius of this season’s Veronica Mars (yes genius!), the brilliance of HBO’s The Wire (which never gets any respect from anyone but just about every critic in existence) or the continuously great writing on Gilmore Girls (which could go either way — comedy or drama), to just name a few. And let’s not forget the best family drama of the last several years to never get any respect (and to stupidly be cancelled by NBC after this season), American Dreams.

Sure I’m happy that Desperate Housewives and especially Lost received the recognition they deserved for, in part, changing the fact of broadcast network television this year, but it could hardly be avoided. Everyone was watching these shows, and the Academy has to make sure those people actually watch the kudocast in September. But aside from those shows’ nominations combined with finally splitting the Supporting Actor/Actress awards up, as usual, they didn’t do much else right, and thinking about it any more just gives me a headache.

My TV season in review post is long overdue thanks to the fact that I just finally finished watching 24 earlier this week. I’ll get back to the Emmys later or maybe when they become unavoidable in a couple months. For now, I’m just happy I got some sleep this morning, cause obviously, little of any importance actually went down.