HAS ANYONE SEEN ELVIS MITCHELL SKULKING AROUND CANNES?

Today’s Page Six details the thievery occurring at Cannes, and strangely enough, it has nothing to do with Tarantino stealing the presidency of the jury. Rather, it seems that someone snuck into A.O. Scott’s room — while he was there and asleep — and stole his wallet and laptop. The poor guy has been relegated to filing his stories to the NY Times from the press office.

I’ll admit it now: I’ve made no secret of my hatred for A.O. Scott as a critic. I find him stuffy and a show-off who thinks he knows all while lacking any ability at actually stating an opinion, whether I personally consider it valid or not. I know there are a number of you out there who disagree with me and think Scott is great. I’m hear to tell you that you’re wrong. And shockingly, I’ve discovered that it really is that simple. Who knew? So anyway, yes … I thought if someone stole his laptop, maybe he wouldn’t be able to submit anything, or he’d have to do it over the phone. Filing over the phone is a pain in the ass, as I know having had to do so once, from the Oscars many, many (uhm, about 12) years ago. So I dispatched Elvis to burgle, and he apparently did a good job. But drat you A.O., you and your stupid initials.