Somehow I missed this when it was first reported by E! Online in January, but inclusion in today’s Variety (sub. req’d) makes it more real anyway: “Many meetings, meals and plane tickets later, the producing trio have finally announced their team to make Elle Woods sing and dance in a Broadway musical.”
That’s right kids … if a really disappointing and stupid sequel and a failed TV-pilot weren’t enough, now you can look forward to Legally Blonde, the Musical! Don’t get me wrong; I liked the original movie as much as the next guy … or girl. Whatever. It was frothy fun with a cleverly written, if not terribly complex, script. But there is really no reason whatsoever that this should go forward as a musical.
As I mentioned the other day, there’s this relatively new and not-so-relatively annoying trend right now of adapting films into stage musicals. The reasoning is simple: it’s much more of a sure thing to take successful mass entertainment, transform it and sell it as something completely new. With the Broadway stage where any investment is a big one without any certainty of recoupment, that kind of name, or rather brand, recognition is important. It won’t guarantee a success by any means (anyone remember Big: The Musical or — no I’m not kidding — Carrie: The Musical?), but it sure as hell helps.
But people, please. Let’s show some discretion. The pending creators of this version of Legally Blonde are the same people who made Thoroughly Modern Millie, which is about to close after it’s nearly two year run and six Tony wins. Millie was a thoroughly enjoyable show, but it wasn’t anything special, and it too was an adaptation of a film made in 1967 starring Julie Andrews. But that film was already a musical, and it wasn’t anything special either.
It’s one thing to reinvent The Full Monty or the original The Little Shop of Horrors, or to extend the natural musical comedy tendencies of something like The Producers. I even was able to accept a little bit of Footloose: The Musical — although it was pretty bad. But I really couldn’t care any less about seeing Elle Woods sing while holding her yappy dog wearing a pink boa — apparently because he’s gay, according to said previously-mentioned sequel.
Out of Focus 
While no film/musical translation will ever be as good at the ones in Rushmore… here is a short list of others I’d like to see jump the shark:
Rambo First Blood Part II: The Musical (personally I’d hire the folks from Ave. Q to do an all puppet version of this one… but thats me)
Shindlers List: The Musical (almost a sequel of sorts to “Springtime for Hitler”)
Touch of Evil (can you imagine trying to recreate the opening shot on a stage??)
Momento: The Musical (Might me more cohesive in nattative than Taboo)
The Great Escape: The Musical (really just to hear the audience whistle along with the theme)
Crocodile Dundee: The Musical (starring Hugh Jackman, natch)
Kill Bill: The Musical (hand out branded ponchos for the front few rows of the audience like a Gallagher concert circa ’82)
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Someone needs to call Blackie Lawless and put together a WASP musical. They were mostly stage show anyway, so they’re already primed for Broadway. Besides, couldn’t we all do with more flaming codpieces?
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